well.. that was USELESS.

i got up at like 7 this morning, so i could go to my first doctor's appointment at the pulmonary doctor for my cpap. then i went straight to the second one to see if the doctor would write me a note, saying my disability didn't prevent me from driving. when i got in there, she asked me what brought me into her office this afternoon.. i told her that i was there to have her write a letter saying my disability didn't prevent me from driving. she folded her hands and said, "well.. it says here that you failed these other tests.." and i said, "that's just because they wanna continue making money off of me hauling myself to courage kenny mindlessly- not progressing so they can continue making money off me." she said, "well, no.. i need to make sure you're safe and so you don't hurt or kill you or anyone else." then i said, "WELL- I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET OUT AND VOLUNTEER FOR SABATHANI COMMUNITY CENTER AND I HAD TO MISS YESTERDAY BECAUSE I RAN OUTTA LYFT MONEY SINCE I'M TRYING TO GET A JOB AND I USED UP ALL MY MONEY TO GO TO INTERVIEWS THIS MONTH." then she said, "well.. i'll have my nurse write out other ways you can use transportation.. have you ever tried using a shuttle bus?" then i said, "I HAD TO LOSE MONEY ON SOME CONCERTS BECAUSE METRO MOBILITY LEFT ME BEFORE I COULD CATCH A RIDE. I'M NOT DOING THAT SHIT." then she said, "no.. i can't sign a letter, i need to make sure you're safe.." then i came back to my apartment and my cell phone rang after i went to the bathroom, it was ics calling to see what i wanted to do for today's session.. i screamed into the phone, "I WANT TO LOOK FOR HOUSING IN BOSTON OR SOME OTHER PLACE THAT ACTUALLY HAS TRANSPORTATION. BECAUSE THIS FUCKING STATE SUCKS WHEN YOU WANNA GO SOMEWHERE." the doctor i seen today was a fill-in doctor for my usual primary care doctor. she honestly didn't help shit but probably make them think i was insane. (considering she DID have a recorder on the table and it recorded me going crazy saying i should just die since i couldn't do anything) these fuckin doctors don't give a shit to help people be more productive and useful. THEY'RE AS FUCKING STUPID AS MY FAMILY (EXCEPT JOE AND JAY). SELFISH FUCKING DICKS. i hope THEY get to a point in life where they want to do something that people won't let them do because they think they're too disabled to. i'm basically USELESS without transportation. which i also mentioned when i was going off today in the doctor's office. it honestly doesn't pay for me to continue living if i can't be productive and useful in my life. then the doctor asked me a question that i looked at her like i wanted to kill her, "what about your family?", i'm pretty sure i screamed at her, "MY FAMILY SUCKS. EVERYTHING IS TOO INCONVENIENT TO HELP ME IF IT DOESN'T MAKE THEM LOOK GOOD." MY FAMILY IS FULL OF A BUNCH OF SELFISH PRICKS THAT COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME IF IT DOESN'T MAKE THEM LOOK GOOD TO OTHER PEOPLE. (EXCEPT JOE AND JAY) they don't care and if they pretend they care- it's so they look good to other people- IT'S NOT GENUINE! my family needs to spend their times in fuckin therapy and church. THEY MIGHT ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT SOMEONE OTHER THAN THEMSELVES THEN! crazy, entitled, pricks.
i just remembered that the doctor was taking my blood pressure today and i never have high blood pressure.. although she had to keep taking it because she said the lower number was a little high. my grandma used to have high blood pressure and she'd always say to me, "WATCH OUT! YOU'LL HAVE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE JUST LIKE GRANDMA!" and i'd laugh sarcastically at her because things never get to me to cause me to have high blood pressure and i don't eat foods that give me high blood pressure because my blood pressure was never high. maybe my mom is causing me to have high blood pressure just like she probably caused my grandma to have high blood pressure? that and not being able to drive.. which was what i was at the appointment today for in the first place.